Jeff,it's been a awhile since I've seen you....now I know why!

Here's what I came up with...

Jeff,that picture is so horrific,it makes "2 girls one cup"seem rather enjoyable.

Seriously,it makes you look so fat I'm afraid that if I throw a rock at you,it just might stop and start circling around you.

Buy the way, for those,who don't know - currently,Jeff is starring in a porno called "get that little thing off my face you ugly schmuk".

And last one - What's the difference between Bob Saget and Jeff Ross?
Answer: One sucks d**k for coke,other one just sucks d**k!

After watching you work,seeing you on roasts and tv shows,it seems like,the best work you've ever accomplished is "Alligator on an elevator".

Heckles aside - I really love what you do,you're my idol and the best thing,that could ever happen to the art of roasting!

Looking forward to purchasing and reading your book.

Best wishes from the only person on the planet,next to whom you appear f**kable!

You are so fat looking in that photo. Ive never seen anyone more fat then when John Goodman tried to pose for that same photo.

Jeff you are so ugly looking the President of the United States wouldnt do you.

i saw the testimonials for your new book, so the only people who bothered to to write a quick testimonial are racist celebrites and untalented comedians?

Jeff, you are my favorite comedian,big fan.

Here is my roast contribution, it's harsh and hard but it should be right up your alley and if anyone can take it, it's you:

Hey Jeff, is that a picture of your grandfather, you know, the one that didn't make the Shindler's list?

Huge fan.

Let's hear it for Jeff Ross everyone! The only jew in the business who is NOT funny. Jeff how long have you been rocking that beard? It looks like terrible, its like you gave bigfoot a rim job. You are so ugly, Lisa Lampinelli wouldn't #@*%! you.
Seriously though, I read your book and loved it and I got my first roast coming up for my buddy who is moving to texas. You have been a big inspiration to me and I wish you the best.

Who's Jeffrey Ross?

Well I'm not a very funny dude but I imagine Milton Berle would say something along the lines of
I suppose it's not nice to make jokes about you being fat, but it doesn't make any difference. You can't catch me.
or
Jeff Ross finally broke off his love affair with comedy so now he's able to go back to his first love---himself
or
Jeff Ross----With the right amount of training, he could be a nobody.

Sorry I had nothing original.