I can't wait to see you perform February 2 in Punxsutawney. And don't get scared of your shadow, I hate the winter.

Jesus, did Jim Gaffigan dye his hair? And then die? And THEN get uglier?

Oh Jeff, you're like the brother I'm afraid I'll someday have as the result of a really bad marriage.

Jeff, you look terrible in that picture. You're more marbled than a prime rib eye steak. You have less muscle tone in your body than Stephen Hawking.

Seriously Jeff Ross is a great comedian. He would win 'Last Comic Standing' if the only other contestants were Artie Lange and Greg Giraldo. Too soon?

Jeff, you're becoming a bigger dick than Uncle Miltie's famous member. And by dick, I mean something Christine O'Donnell feels you should never be left alone with.

Holy cow. Jeff, you look like something people would throw at Tila Tequila.
I'm just glad Abe Vigoda didn't live to have to see this.
But I gotta pay respect to the man brave enough to take this photo. His vision will never be the same again.

During the Hasselhoff roast when he came out in that speedo with all that fat hanging out and the jew-fro, Jeff looked like Seth Rogan - without the successful career.

A lot of people say that Seth Rogan's girlfriends are all gold diggers, but Jeff doesn't have that problem. The only digging that his girls do is digging through all those rolls of fat to find his tiny Jew dick.

Answer: 1999 Question: Name the best Prince song and the last year Jeff Ross could actually see his own ankles while standing?

Really, Jeffrey, is it because they are just giving better discounts to get your haircuts at the School for the Blind?